The Breakup

i was originally going to name this blog 'the breakup blog' but i thought that would be depressing, so instead, i will just entitle today's blog 'the breakup'. since i broke up with my fiance, i think i have lost about 10 lbs, have drank about 4 bottles of wine and have absolutely no appetite. i love it. it is a transition for sure...i do not really feel lonely, instead i feel that i am searching for the better me, which is kind of a bitch because it is uncomfortable and somewhat awkward at times, but all for the good. i suppose when relationships end, that is the time for true retrospective...i think about how quickly things moved...we barely knew each other when i willingly moved from boston to his podunk town...and it changed my life. not in the best of ways, either. i was astonished to find that some people are content with so little and have no aspirations to challenge or better themselves. i was living in a town of people like that. it felt as if everyone walked out of some bad 80s movie since their attire and hair were straight from the 80s...some warped time zone. looking back, i do feel bad for this pathetic town, but i cannot say i am better for living there.

my ex and i were different from the start - he was raised in this pathetic town and was never encouraged to be his best. his family...i will have to write about them at a later time...was never supportive or loving. but he did have a sense of himself i found to be unique and quite lovable and we ended up sharing three and a half years of our lives together. i do not regret any of it, i only regret not meeting my own standards in that i should have been treated better...

since this is relatively new, and i am still getting use to living alone again, i cannot see a whole lot of change in me yet, other than the fact that i think i look fantastic and every man in the past two weeks that i entered a building/store/restaurant with has opened the door for me and smiled at me. i am not ready to date yet, dating would be silly because i am clearly not over the ex. instead i want to focus on my brilliant self and give me the time and space i need to create the things i desire to create.