swimming through it

today I wish my life was so extraordinary that people actually wanted to read my blogs and see the fabulous things that I was doing! instead…I have two blog followers and am content with that. I think consistency is really key at this juncture. since so much else is moving and changing form, I need to offer myself a consistent self, a self that is healthy, makes no mistakes and embraces life…much like I am right now! I kid. One that is less judgmental and to take things as they are, needing not to change all there is. I felt I had to change so much the last year. I wanted to change brad to make him better. sometimes, many times, I feel I really did help Brad become a different person. he helped me, too, he just was much more subtle about it, never forcing, typically encouraging. sometimes I feel like I am about to embark on this magical journey with a gold path. I think I will look back at my time in NY and miss Brad miserably, but be joyful I am away from so much. I will take those twinkles in my past and place it where I have placed all the other wonderful gems that are composed in the form of my life. Leaving means so much in so many ways; I no longer have to pretend that I care about philanthropy and fundraising!! That fills my face with a wide grin of relief and happiness. I’ll be realistic and say leaving love is maybe the hardest, saddest experience I have ever gone through thus far, but through it all, I see an open widow and I am swimming through it.